Random bits of useless but amusing expressions.

(I collect these. I will now share some of them.)

You need some 'Sand in the Vaseline' and I'm it.

Slower than a retarded snail on NyQuil.

You can lead a whore to culture but you can't make her think.

He who inherits from he who dies with the most toys wins.

Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Me either.

Being a soldier means as much about loving war as being a firefighter does about loving fire.

Someone needs to hit you in the head with a clue-by-four.

You are seriously harshing my mellow.

The basic need for faith, in something, by far exceeds the need to keep one's worldview intellectually honest.

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. -Anais Nin

Do birds who live at airports have a bad self-image?

When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours.

Give a man a fire and you keep him warm for a night. Set him on fire and you keep him warm for the rest of his life.

Unanswered questions are far less dangerous than unquestioned answers.

Reality is the ultimate Rorshach.

Microsoft is not the answer. Microsoft is the question. "No" is the answer.

Say to Elrond, "Hello." Elrond says, "No." Elrond gives you some lunch.

There are two secrets to life. 1. Don't tell everything you know.

In theory there's no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is.

One of the most bizzare, yet grammatically correct, sentences ever uttered in the English language.

"Google fhqwhgads."

The strangest thing is, nobody at the table I was at saw anything unusual about this comment at first.

I'm just proud I was the one who said it first.

Liberals aren't snobs?

"You know what? Just let me make one point. You were talking about the map before. If indeed all those blue states all got together and seceded from the union, think what would be left for those red states, nothing. There would be no educational system. You would have nothing. What would be left to you? I mean, where is all of this talent in this country? It's on both sides, the Northeast corridor." -Geraldine Ferraro to Sean Hannity on Hannity and Colmes, November 6.

Hey Geraldine ... where are all the military bases in this country?

Therapy.

Finally! Liberals are getting the help they need. Now if only "Liberalism" would show up in the DSM, insurance companies might cover the treatment!

Kerry supporters seek therapy in South Florida
Boca Raton trauma specialist has treated 15 patients
Published Tuesday, November 9, 2004
by Sean Salai

More than a dozen traumatized John Kerry supporters have sought and received therapy from a licensed Florida psychologist since their candidate lost to President Bush, the Boca Raton News learned Monday.

Boca Raton trauma specialist Douglas Schooler said he has treated 15 clients and friends with “intense hypnotherapy” since the Democratic nominee conceded last Wednesday.

“I had one friend tell me he’s never been so depressed and angry in his life,” Schooler said. “I observed patients threatening to leave the country or staring listlessly into space. They were emotionally paralyzed, shocked and devastated.”

Schooler’s disclosure comes after the weekend discovery of a Kerry volunteer’s corpse at Ground Zero in New York City. Georgia resident Andrew Veal, 25, reportedly killed himself with a shotgun blast to the head due to Kerry’s loss and a girlfriend problem.

Some mental health professionals in South Florida said Monday they have already developed a new category for the Kerry-related stress reactions. Because Palm Beach County voted heavily for Kerry, the therapists said, many residents hurt themselves by so anxiously expecting the Massachusetts senator to win – especially those who maintained unrealistic recount hopes after their candidate’s concession.

“We’re calling it ‘post-election selection trauma’ and we’re working to develop a counseling program for it,” said Rob Gordon, the Boca-based executive director of the American Health Association. “It’s like post-traumatic stress syndrome, but it’s a short-term shock rather than a childhood trauma.”

(the rest)

A thought.

Bear with me on this.

9/11 happened. Liberals all over this country immediately said, "We deserved it. We screwed up. We brought this on ourselves. What we must do now is to try to understand the terrorists. Why do they hate us??"

Compare that with their reaction to being resoundly defeated by the right.

"The right are just idiots. They're just stupid. They aren't grounded in reality. They're sheep, led around by Rush Limbaugh and Fox News. Idiots! We haaaaates them.... we haaaaaaates the Republicanses..... "

Funny, they don't seem too concerned with trying to figure out why they brought this on themselves this time, or why we hate them. No shameful pondering on what they did wrong. No, we're just idiots. Terrorists, on the other hand, are human beings who should be understood. Just goes to show where on the liberals' totem pole we fellow Americans stand as opposed to, say Muslim extremists who slaughter thousands.

So, is that good?

Congratulations, Craig!
Your IQ score is 127

This number is based on a scientific formula that compares how many questions you answered correctly on the Classic IQ Test relative to others.

Your Intellectual Type is Word Warrior. This means you have exceptional verbal skills. You can easily make sense of complex issues and take an unusually creative approach to solving problems. Your strengths also make you a visionary. Even without trying you're able to come up with lots of new and creative ideas. And that's just a small part of what we know about you from your test results.

I didn't buy the rest of the report. I mean, I don't really expect this number to mean anything. If I had taken an IQ test from a qualified professional, I'd probably take it more seriously. Still though, this little test was fun.

In the "Typical Democrat" Column.

This was reported today on Drudge. I just think it's funny. Emphasis added is mine.

Bubba The Love Sponge Loses Race To Be County Sheriff
POSTED: 8:19 am EST November 3, 2004

The shock jock, who was fired from a Tampa radio station after being sanctioned by the Federal Communications Commission for his on-air ribaldry, was easily defeated for Pinellas County sheriff by chief sheriff's deputy Jim Coats.

Todd Clem had his name legally changed to Bubba the Love Sponge Clem when he became a celebrity on Tampa's WXTB-FM. He was running as a Democrat.

Clem, 38, appeared as "Bubba Clem" on the ballot. Campaign manager Brent Hatley said the candidate voted Tuesday morning, then left Florida to watch the national election results with relatives in Indiana.

"He said, 'I'm on my way out. I don't think I can take it,"' said Hatley.

Clem had no law enforcement experience, but had criticized the sheriff's office on the air for years. His said his plans for the department included raising salaries and promoting women and minorities.

So, let's see if I can understand this.

A loser liberal who can't even hold a job as an on air personality without offending the FCC, runs for an office he knows nothing about and has no credentials for, on a platform of raising taxes (to pay for the raised salaries, I presume) and promoting useless feel-good liberal concepts that have nothing to do with his job. (What does promoting women and minorities have to do with keeping the townspeople safe from crime?)

Oh, and he's a Democrat. As if that needed to be said at this point.

Context.

1980
Ronald Reagan (CA), George Bush (TX)
Republican
43,901,812 votes
489 ev
50.8%

Jimmy Carter (GA), Walter Mondale (MN)
Democrat
35,483,820 votes
49 ev
41.0%

1984
Ronald Reagan (CA), George Bush (TX)
Republican
54,455,000 votes
525 ev
58.8%

Walter Mondale (MN), Geraldine Ferraro (NY)
Democrat
37,577,000 votes
13 ev
40.5%

1988
George H.W. Bush (TX), James Danforth Quayle (IN)
Republican
48,886,097 votes
426 ev
53.4%

Michael Dukakis (MA), Lloyd Bentson (MN)
Democrat
41,809,074 votes
111 ev
45.6%

1992
William Jefferson Clinton (AR), Albert Arnold Gore, Jr. (TN)
Democrat
44,909,326 votes
370 ev
43.0%

George Herbert Walker Bush (TX), James Danforth Quayle (IN)
Republican
39,103,882 votes
168 ev
37.4%

Henry Ross Perot (TX), James Bond Stockdale (IL)
Independant
Home State: PR: TX; VP: IL
Electoral Votes: 0
Pop. Vote: 19,741,657 (18.9%)


1996
William Jefferson Clinton (AR), Albert Arnold Gore, Jr. (TN)
Democrat
47,401,898 votes
379 ev
49.2%

Robert Joseph Dole (KS), Jack French Kemp (NY)
Republican
39,198,482 votes
159 ev
40.7%

Henry Ross Perot (TX), Pat Choate (CO)
Reform
8,085,373 votes
0 ev
8.4%

2000
George Walker Bush (TX), Richard Bruce Cheney (WY)
Republican
50,461,092 votes
271 ev
47.9%

Albert Arnold Gore, Jr. (TN), Joseph Isador Lieberman (CT)
Democrat
50,994,086 votes
266 ev
48.4%

2004
George Walker Bush (TX), Richard Bruce Cheney (WY)
Republican
58,878,565 votes
274 ev
51%

John F. Kerry (MA), John Edwards (VA)
Democrat
55,310,082 votes
242 ev
48%

That about says it.

Just want to thank Paige for the super-size Coke she bought me at McDonalds today. :)

This is a post from Lucianne.com. I think it captures my mood very well.

Reply 1 - Posted by: FiddlePig, 11/3/2004 1:56:41 PM
My pro-Kerry office mate came up to me this morning with: "I bet you're estatic today?"

To which I replied: "No, it's relief... sorta like finding out you don't have cancer."

A Coke and a smile.

It's over. Folks, it was over last night. After 12:30 or so CST, Ohio was never going to slide back to the liberals. And why they're not calling Iowa or New Mexico at this point is a mystery (unless of course you factor liberal media bias in, which doesn't compute in the case of Fox News).

Anyway, the short version is, Bush is still watching over this nation for the next four years, THANK GOD. The American voters still were way more Kerry than they should have been, but the result is that conservatives came out IN FORCE to combat the idiocy of the left and the multiple attempts to sway the public with lies and threats by Michael Moore, Soros, Bin Laden and his liberal comrades-in-arms who went after all the Republican campaign offices here in the states.

And today, in celebration, I am going back to drinking regular Coke for a day.