My child just swallowed a fig. What should I do?

One word: ipecac.

Seriously, better a little purging than a lot of purgatory. Although we don't, strictly speaking, believe in purgatory anyway. But your little rascal is poised on the edge of the precipice. Even if it's too late to save you, it may not be too late to save little Jimmy or Sue. Even if you only suspect your kid ate a fig, it never hurts to induce vomiting.

If you don't have ipecac in the house, the two-fingered method works as well. Make sure your kid understands that it's his own unrighteousness that is hurling forth onto the porcelain rim of the abyss.